I need to take care of ME!

I've always been the type of person who tries to take care of everyone and worries about everything, and where I'm still going to worry, I'm going to try and work on taking care of myself. I haven't been doing such a good job of that lately. For breakfast I would eat a couple graham crackers, or some macaroni salad mixed with cottage cheese and for dinner I'd eat pizza rolls, a can of chef boyarde lasagna or mac salad and cottage cheese. I have had No desire to cook and I just didn't have to gumption. Oh, and there was lots of candy and ice cream in there too. I finally just sat back and look and was like, "What are you doing?!" I did such a good job of losing weight a while back, and I've put some of that back on, and that doesn't make me happy at all. So this morning was my first real test. I got up early enough to eat breakfast, and I liked the sound of eggs, but not the sound of cooking or making dishes to have to wash, and I almost gave up and didn't eat anything, but I decided that this is where it starts, so I got out the frying pan and scrambled me some eggs and had an egg and cheese sandwich (on 100% whole wheat bread which is the only kind of bread I buy). I am proud of myself, but I just have to keep this trend up! I did not have any candy or ice cream yesterday! When I snacked I had grapes and strawberries. I'm also going to try and take a break from some of my projects every week and try to go swim laps at the hills at least one day a week. It's good exercise and it's not as hard on my knees and ankles. I'm hoping that the reason I've been so tired lately is my diet and the fact that I'm not eating right, and probably mixed with constant worrying about what I can do to help everyone else. Well, changing the diet, and those who I can not help until they realize they have to help themselves, are just going to have to be put on the back burner. Besides, if I fall apart, who can I help? I've got all kinds of reasons to do this, but I'm not listing them all on here. Well, I've got a start, just got to keep building!

so what are u going to get or get away with this time.....

In one of my status updates on Facebook, I made the comment that I'm tired of stupid selfish spoiled people, and so I thought it would make a good topic in here. I'm sick and tired of seeing these people that don't have a clue how good they have it, whining and bitching because they have it sooooo terrible, so they think they need to smoke pot and do shrooms and drink all the bloody time to "deal" w/ life. Or the people who do that stuff because they may not have had it easy but instead of dealing w/ it like an adult, they say, I don't want anyone to worry about me, that's being selfish, you don't want anyone to worry about you because you don't want to worry about anyone else. I know a lot of stuff on a lot of people, and if I were the type of person to nark, I could get several people in trouble, but I 'm not that type of person. I want my friends to trust me, because, especially for my friends younger than me, I want them to have someone responsible to be there when they need someone instead of doing something stupid. Sometimes, though, this stance drives me crazy! I guess since I was brought up where I wasn't given anything and I had to earn everything and always be responsible for my actions, all these concepts are hard for me to take, but honestly, I think when you get you own things and earn them, you appreciate things a whole lot more. I know I'm kinda bouncing around a lot but bear with me, this is how it's coming out of my head, and I don't have a lot of time to spend organizing my thoughts. When you grow up where things aren't easy, like I did, it's either going to make you or break you. You can either learn from it and learn how to get over it, and make do with what you have and work harder, or its going to make you pussy out of it and say oh life's so hard I have to drink or I have to get high because it's the only way I can deal with it. Really. Get a clue. I'm sorry, you don't have a clue how bad life is when you have everything you need is given to you. I drink, I'm not going to lie and say I don't, but it's social drinking and I don't drink to get drunk and cover up emotions. I've never got high, and I don't plan on it. My only point of weakness was when I cut. I used to hide the fact that I did, but not anymore. I didn't cut to kill myself though, I would put sanitizer on the knife and then on the cuts when I was done to make sure they were clean. I just cut enough to make the physical pain because physical pain is a lot easier to handle, I can control that. When it felt like things were out of control in my life, that was one thing I could control. I have not cut in about a year, and it's something I have to keep up with every day. I've had urges lately, but I have not given in and I'll keep working on it. So anyway, I'm going to have to try and keep my temper w/ these people and do my best to not let their selfishness and spoiledness get to me. Some days it's harder than others.