I very much dislike Valentines day

I've been cooking up this rant for awhile, and my grouchy mood today, made me feel like today was the perfect day to go into it.
The other day at work I was talking with one of the ladies and we were talking about how blah Jan and Feb were. She said that we should decorate in the office in Feb to freshen it up some. I told her that as long as there were no lace, hearts, or pink, that I would be down with that. She was like, "ok, we'll put the devil holding a pitch fork over there!!" I then proceeded to explain to her my thoughts on Valentines day and she said I am far too cynical for 25 yrs old. They already have all the pink and the hearts and the cupids and crap out in the stores. Yet another day over commercialized and force-fed to society.
First of all: A holiday for some saint who wrote a forbidden love letter in prison, really? How about we give everyone a holiday that does something like that. Its dumb. It was a moment between two people and blown way up. Now go free a country or save a ton of people or do something really amazing, and then you can have your own holiday. It was created and exploited by the card and candy companies to make more money, plain and simple, and other businesses have learned to cash in.
Second of all: It is just a day to make you feel guilt-ed into buying a gift if you have a significant other and for everyone else you "love" and a reminder to those that are still single that hey, you're still a loser, and while we're reminding you of that, we'll make you have to see all these lovey dovey couples and diamonds and flowers and all of that fun stuff.
I firmly believe that if you really love someone and really care about someone that you should tell them any and every day if you can. You shouldn't need a specific day to remind you to do this. If you want to buy flowers for your woman, do it on a random day where she isn't expecting it and it will mean even more! I would think that getting a gift on Valentines day would mean less to a person because how do they know that the person giving it doesn't feel obligated because its Feb 14th?
Some people say that I am just bitter because I am single. Even if I wasn't single, I still wouldn't like Valentines day. I'm not bitter, in fact, my thoughts and views might make me more of a hopeless romantic. Take that one doubters! I picture special surprises any time in the year and "just because" gifts and notes, not "well it says on the calender to do this" gifts and notes. And, think about this; If more people thought the same way I did, it would actually help the floral, candy and card business more because people would buy random gifts throughout the year, it would be more of a steady business instead of one boom once a year.
I know that going into the wedding business I shouldn't have such a negative attitude towards this day, but my job is to make whatever day you pick special. The reason? Because 2 people love each other and they want to share it with the world. Its my job to make them feel special and help them show their family and friends how much they love each other. They don't need a predetermined annual holiday on the calender. Of course if they want a wedding on the 14th of Feb, so be it, but hopefully it's for their own reasons.
So hey, it's Jan 11, 2011, why don't you tell someone you love them today, or tomorrow, right now if you can. Surprise your wife or your girlfriend with some flowers or a flower, and see if she doesn't appreciate that more. :)


Hmm...so what started as an angry rant turned positive. That must mean I need to go to bed! :) HA!

i must be broken maybe or just odd?

So, I read a post my cousin made on facebook today and I really got to thinking. She said, "I was just looking in the mirror and I just noticed how pretty I actually am" and it got me to thinking; I don't think I have ever looked in the mirror and seriously felt like that. People will say it to me to be nice, but I personally haven't felt it or believed it. This got me thinking about other things that people experience and feel that I don't that maybe makes me almost feel...odd maybe...here are some other things that others experience but I don't:
Seeing someone glow, especially people who are pregnant. I don't get it. I have never seen someone "glow" just because they are preggers, or because they are super happy. I just do not understand this.
Speaking of pregnant women, I have never had the compulsion to want to touch a pregnant woman's belly. You always see people go up and put their hands to try and feel the baby kick. If I were the girl, I'd feel awkward. Thankfully I do not plan on being that girl.
I watched a video on my one aunt's facebook the other day and it was of soldiers getting to come home and surprise their kids, and where the video was really touching all in it's own, it was particularly sad to me because I do not know what it's like to have a dad who wants to be home and wants to see his kids and that loves his kids like that. This feeling is something I don't know. Any song about a dad and his kid and especially a dad and his daughter, or seeing them out together is something I am not personally used to.
And lastly for right now, prolly the most controversial topic...I never understood when people say they talk to God or get answers from God. Even before i started questioning religion and all of that, I still had no clue about what people said...

Ok, thats all for now because I'm really tired. I need sleep.

I need to take care of ME!

I've always been the type of person who tries to take care of everyone and worries about everything, and where I'm still going to worry, I'm going to try and work on taking care of myself. I haven't been doing such a good job of that lately. For breakfast I would eat a couple graham crackers, or some macaroni salad mixed with cottage cheese and for dinner I'd eat pizza rolls, a can of chef boyarde lasagna or mac salad and cottage cheese. I have had No desire to cook and I just didn't have to gumption. Oh, and there was lots of candy and ice cream in there too. I finally just sat back and look and was like, "What are you doing?!" I did such a good job of losing weight a while back, and I've put some of that back on, and that doesn't make me happy at all. So this morning was my first real test. I got up early enough to eat breakfast, and I liked the sound of eggs, but not the sound of cooking or making dishes to have to wash, and I almost gave up and didn't eat anything, but I decided that this is where it starts, so I got out the frying pan and scrambled me some eggs and had an egg and cheese sandwich (on 100% whole wheat bread which is the only kind of bread I buy). I am proud of myself, but I just have to keep this trend up! I did not have any candy or ice cream yesterday! When I snacked I had grapes and strawberries. I'm also going to try and take a break from some of my projects every week and try to go swim laps at the hills at least one day a week. It's good exercise and it's not as hard on my knees and ankles. I'm hoping that the reason I've been so tired lately is my diet and the fact that I'm not eating right, and probably mixed with constant worrying about what I can do to help everyone else. Well, changing the diet, and those who I can not help until they realize they have to help themselves, are just going to have to be put on the back burner. Besides, if I fall apart, who can I help? I've got all kinds of reasons to do this, but I'm not listing them all on here. Well, I've got a start, just got to keep building!

so what are u going to get or get away with this time.....

In one of my status updates on Facebook, I made the comment that I'm tired of stupid selfish spoiled people, and so I thought it would make a good topic in here. I'm sick and tired of seeing these people that don't have a clue how good they have it, whining and bitching because they have it sooooo terrible, so they think they need to smoke pot and do shrooms and drink all the bloody time to "deal" w/ life. Or the people who do that stuff because they may not have had it easy but instead of dealing w/ it like an adult, they say, I don't want anyone to worry about me, that's being selfish, you don't want anyone to worry about you because you don't want to worry about anyone else. I know a lot of stuff on a lot of people, and if I were the type of person to nark, I could get several people in trouble, but I 'm not that type of person. I want my friends to trust me, because, especially for my friends younger than me, I want them to have someone responsible to be there when they need someone instead of doing something stupid. Sometimes, though, this stance drives me crazy! I guess since I was brought up where I wasn't given anything and I had to earn everything and always be responsible for my actions, all these concepts are hard for me to take, but honestly, I think when you get you own things and earn them, you appreciate things a whole lot more. I know I'm kinda bouncing around a lot but bear with me, this is how it's coming out of my head, and I don't have a lot of time to spend organizing my thoughts. When you grow up where things aren't easy, like I did, it's either going to make you or break you. You can either learn from it and learn how to get over it, and make do with what you have and work harder, or its going to make you pussy out of it and say oh life's so hard I have to drink or I have to get high because it's the only way I can deal with it. Really. Get a clue. I'm sorry, you don't have a clue how bad life is when you have everything you need is given to you. I drink, I'm not going to lie and say I don't, but it's social drinking and I don't drink to get drunk and cover up emotions. I've never got high, and I don't plan on it. My only point of weakness was when I cut. I used to hide the fact that I did, but not anymore. I didn't cut to kill myself though, I would put sanitizer on the knife and then on the cuts when I was done to make sure they were clean. I just cut enough to make the physical pain because physical pain is a lot easier to handle, I can control that. When it felt like things were out of control in my life, that was one thing I could control. I have not cut in about a year, and it's something I have to keep up with every day. I've had urges lately, but I have not given in and I'll keep working on it. So anyway, I'm going to have to try and keep my temper w/ these people and do my best to not let their selfishness and spoiledness get to me. Some days it's harder than others.

engulfing darkness

where do you draw the line between hurt and love?
how long do you have to wait and suffer?
this glowing ball of happiness
is surrounded by this engulfing darkness
that shatters my emotions and leaves me numb.
wading through just for a little light;
is it worth the fight?
i want to chase away the dark,
let the light shine through,
but i fear i don't have the strength
to chase it away and u won't let it.
your darkness is your shield;
hiding behind its emptiness
pushing away those who try to make it past
letting the darkness encompass and overpower;
losing grip, losing hold

so since i haven't posted i decided to use this as a post, i haven't written in a long time, but this kinda came to me...i know,it's kinda rough but, this is just exactly how it came out of my head....

sorry, leave a message after the beep.......BEEEEP!

I know I sit at my new job, but it seems like I'm always tired anymore, hence, why I haven't wrote a blog in a while. I know, I'm slacking!!! I was going to try and write something tonight, but I'm about to pass out at the computer, so I will try to get to it this weekend!!

sleep? who needs sle....zzzzzzzzz

I remember a week about 4 or 5 yrs ago (i think) when I got about 10-12 hrs of sleep in a 10 day period. Sure, I almost wrecked twice because I dozed off for a sec while I was driving, but in the end I maybe took a day where I got 6-8 hrs of sleep and I was fine. Rip roaring and ready to go. Most of my friends asked me if I was on speed or something quite frequently because I was always go go go and didn't sleep a whole lot, but I wasn't on anything. Sleep, who needs sleep, it's overrated and you sleep when you're dead! HA! Then when I started working at Stop N Go and I got the 5a-9a shift most of the time, it really started hitting me more. I think it may have been progressive over time, where I would get more and more tired, but this is when I really started to feel it. I would come home and nap for a bit and then continue my day, worked out well since I was home by 20 after 9 in the morning! Well after a couple weeks I got used to the shift and I could go all day from getting up at 3am til I went to bed around 11pm. Then they switched me to afternoon/evening shifts for a week, and then back to the 5a-9a shift. Wow! Although, I'm not sure that's what's kicking my behind. It was during the week when I was on afternoons in which I started doing all of my sleeping. That Friday I got 13hrs, followed by 9hrs on both Sat and Sun and then 11 hrs the following Wed night. This week I went back to the 5a-9a shift, Sun night I went to bed at like 12p and got up at 3, but I took a 3 hrs nap in the afternoon, and I thought I would be fine for the week then, I was before. Well today I tried very hard not to nap in the afternoon, but after a few hours of cleaning down in the empty apt and finding a dead bird, I came upstairs to lay in the sun and try and make myself not so pale! LOL I fell asleep within 5 min of laying down, on the wood deck. Slept for about 40 min and woke up long enough to pick up the blanket I was laying on and the pillow I was using and moved to the couch to continue to sleep for a total of 5 hrs and a complete loss of the evening. Sleeping this much is not like me, and I'm always ready for a nap anymore, and I have been sleeping Hard and not hearing anything. I hope nothing is wrong with me, because anyone who knows me knows, I sure as heck ain't going to the doctor! I think that it has to do with my mood as of lately, but that's one of the things that I'm probably not going to talk about on here. So I guess I'll take the sleep as making up for all the sleep I didn't think I needed.